A Nocturnal Pat on the Back

There were about a hundred men gathered – 
Old men who belonged to a club – 
And I was one of them.
As the president of the group stood
And made motions to dismiss us
He said: “I want to thank Brother Peery
For the great speech he made yesterday.”
There was some clapping and some whistling
As I took in the praise.
I was a bit embarrassed by the adulation. 
But it felt quite good to my emotional life
And I enjoyed it until I woke up
And noted that it was just 4:00 a.m.

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Evolution

If, over the past many thousands of years
No man was born no smarter than I
The world would be much different.
How? I cannot even guess. 
Our evolution has required men of great stature – 
Much greater than mine
Miniscule has been my touch on the world
And likely so has been yours. 
We can admire the greats who have changed our world,
But what about our guns?
If our evolution counted on the likes of us
We wouldn’t have any.

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The Smarts and Not-So-Smarts

I cannot grasp
How some folks know how to figure
The speed of sound.
I cannot grasp
How some folks know how to figure
The speed of light.
They must be smarter than I
Even though I know the grammar
That tells me when to use I or me.
Anyway, we’re all together –
The smarts and not-so-smarts
I am not even smart enough to make money.

 

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A Bit of Advice

When your life encounters strife
I have a bit of advice:
Though it might sound crass
Kick yourself in the ass.
If you’re tempted toward self pity.
It never works and you’re a jerk
If you think it will.
I’ve tried it and I know.
That’s not the way to go.

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Hungry Eyes

Hungry Eyes

 

Two dogs live where I live. 
Both have compelling eyes – 
Hungry eyes – pleading eyes
And they employ them whenever I sit at our table
And they insist I look at them.
Even though most of the time
I try not to look at them
As they endeavor to tell me about their great hunger
Which they so recently acquired.
I confess – at times I have yielded and dropped a morsel on the floor.
The lifespan of such morsels is about a second and a half.
They like to be near me
When I masticate
And I don’t really mind
For their eyes are so fascinating. 

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Do I Don’t Like It!

Bob McLean was a good friend 
In our younger days
And occasionally he joined our family for a meal. 
One day, as we sat around our dining table
He appeared to be messing around with this fork
Playing with some broccoli. 
Finally my mother asked him 
“Don’t you like that broccoli?”
He loudly replied: “Do I Don’t Like It!”
We all laughed and he was told: 
“You don’t have to eat it.”
The whole family was touched by his quote “Do I Don’t”
And it became commonly used 
Amongst us over the years
And was not forgotten.
If you didn’t like something
You often employed Bob McCleans classic response.
I still use when I need to. 
And then I remember that ancient meal.

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A Day I Will Never Forget

Once
When I was recovering from a serious surgery
I was assigned to a PT Center, 
And there a group of us 
Were learning to walk again. 
We stood in a line
In front of our wheelchairs
And tried to follow the instructions
Of our PT therapist
Suddenly my pants fell to the floor
And for a moment I was surprised
And then embarrassed. 
Though my private parts were well covered
I felt very uneasy.
As quick as I could I pulled my pants up to my waist. 
It took a while to learn to walk again
And that certain memory and embarrassment
Still linger in my mind.

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I’m Thirty-Nine

I’m Thirty-Nine

Somebody brought me some shorts.
Size 40 – size 38 is to small.
But size 40 is too large.
So my shorts go t below my hips
Or they could squeeze me seriously.
What to do?
Wisdom tells me that they would shrink
Given a very hot washing. 
I don’t wash clothes anymore
But I know two folks who do. 
So I will request a shrinkage
And I pray it isn’t too much.
What problems we people have
Who have uneven waists!

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Hair

I’m sitting in a barber’s chair

 and I look down at the floor. 

 There are my silver locks, scattered

And they’ll soon be swept up.

And thrown into the trash

With lots of other hair.

I’ve had hundreds of haircuts. 

Recently I  found out

That the hair I’m referring to 

Grows about 6 inches every year. 

What if I never got it cut?

How long would it be? 

And what did the caveman do? 

Or any man

Before scissors were invented? 

When did that happen? 

I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about this. 

Then I can think about it

And I can wonder.

 

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Two Kids Talking

They talked about death.

Didn’t know anything about it.

Decided that old folks die.

The older one of the kids said

“Yeah – that means I’ll die before you.“

They didn’t know how it worked. 

They hadn’t yet heard: 

“Only the good die young” – 

And that bullshit. 

They didn’t yet know how it worked. 

When they get older 

And have to deal with death

They won’t know any more than they do now.

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